Not Alone
by MissMRene
Summary: Peter Parker isn't a hero. But an old friend doesn't see him the way he sees himself. Oneshot. (Second chapter is the same scene from MJ's point of view)
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: This oneshot takes place immediately following the end of The Amazing Spiderman 2. I would love any feedback you, the users of the internet, would be willing to give me!**

_{Disclaimer: Certain elements of this work (including but not limited to: characters, backstory, and setting) belong to Marvel and its affiliated companies. I do not own them.}_

As soon as it's over, he runs.

He had been operating on adrenaline, but he can barely stand up now. He feels like a rock settled in his gut. It had been stupid; he shouldn't have gone. His one consoling thought is _'At least that kid is safe.'_

It doesn't take him too long to change into regular clothes and swing to the cemetery. All in all, he gets there less than half an hour after the battle with the giant rhino. He body screams from the bruises, but he ignores it. He should never have gone anyways.

He darts through the gate like he has no time to spare – he really doesn't. He ends up collapsing in front of her tombstone, legs crossed like a child's. Tears sting at his long eyelashes, but he blinks them away before they can fall. He crumples the mask that he didn't know he had been holding until it is just a red lump in his pale hands. The sky has quickly clouded over in the time it took him to get there.

"I'm sorry," he gasps out awkwardly, because really, he could never be anything else with her. His mind races with everything that he's apologizing for, but he doesn't expand on it. He has already said the two words to her so many times that he is sure that by now she understands. That is, she _would _understand.

He isn't sure how long he sits there. Long enough that the damp grass lends its moisture to his dark wash jeans, and he still sits. Sirens ring out a few blocks away. He can't bring himself to care.

He suddenly remembers that he should be paying better attention to his surroundings when he doesn't hear footsteps. Instead, a soft voice. "Peter?" she asks, for it is clearly a girl by the sound of her voice. He turns to look at her. In the growing darkness, she looks familiar, but he can't place her. She smiles at him sadly, then moves towards him. He turns back to the headstone and assumes he must have seen her at the funeral. At the last second, he starts to shove the mask he had forgotten about into his hoodie.

She laughs slightly, but it isn't until she speaks that he knows who she is. "You don't have to hide with me, Tiger," she reassures him softly. It's the nickname he recognizes, because she had changed so much that even her voice sounds different. Mary Jane Watson. Years before, when his parents had left him, he had met MJ; her family lived next to his aunt and uncle. Her family had moved out of New York the year they'd both turned thirteen. Thanks to her, he had grown up hearing about Gwen. MJ would always talk about her amazing cousin Gwen Stacy. He had just forgotten.

Peter lets the mask fall back into his lap, wrinkling it through his hands again. He tries to ask, but he has to clear his throat first to get the lump in it to fade. "How did you know?" he finally gets out. His voice sounds scratchy in the chilly evening.

He doesn't look up to see MJ's face, but he can practically feel her smile, just like he could all those years ago. Back when they were friends. When his parents were gone, but other than that, the world had been perfect. She kneels in the grass next to him. "I moved back a few months ago," she starts. "Peter Parker basically disappeared, and no one had heard from Spiderman in ages. Both started when she died," she says him calmly, nodding towards Gwen's name on the stone.

Peter feels himself stiffen at her seemingly uncaring attitude. But this is _Mary Jane_. MJ who he's known since childhood. MJ who was a bright patch of sunshine when he'd been struggling with being abandoned. MJ who had lost maybe more than he had (at least in terms of family), because at least he didn't have an abusive father. MJ who lost her cousin just like he had lost the love of his life.

"And you were always the heroic type," she continues.

"I'm not a hero," he mutters just as his chest tightens. Because he isn't. He doesn't see himself that way. "I killed her, you know. I thought I could save her, and then-" He cuts himself off. He has to stop talking. He hasn't seen or spoken to MJ in years; why would she care?

"Pete," MJ sighs, then he feels her hand rest on his shoulder. He looks up at her long enough to see the sad look in her eyes, but there wasn't a trace of pity. "That's not true," she says, and he's heard it a dozen times but not once has it sounded as convincing as when she tells him. Not that he believes her. "You didn't kill Gwen any more than I did. You know I didn't come to the funeral because I felt guilty?" Peter doesn't answer. What could she _possibly _be guilty for? She hadn't even been in New York when Gwen died. MJ goes on, "After my family first moved, Gwen and I emailed every day. Well, the longer I was gone, the less we kept in touch. It was almost a year that I had talked to her last before she died. And I just…" Her voice trails off and he hears the emotion quivering in her ragged breath. "I thought that maybe if I had just…been there for her, you know?"

MJ stops talking then. Peter knows _exactly _what she is saying, but more in the literal sense. If only he had been there. Three feet closer and he could have grabbed her. If only he had been there. All that time when she was mourning her father, and he had stayed away because of a promise he'd never actually made.

MJ sniffs and moves her hand away from his shoulder "So. The last email I had from Gwen," she says, and her voice sounds _off _now. "I never responded. I got busy. Excuses." Peter turns his head and squints into her green eyes. MJ offers him a small, though genuine, smile. "She talked about you. She…" MJ hesitates. "She really loved you, I think." The last sentence is quiet, honest.

Peter takes a deep breath and stares at Gwen's name on the stone. Again, he had heard it before. Everyone said that Gwen had loved him, Gwen would want him to move on with his life, Gwen hadn't died for nothing. It was all _meaningless_. He wants to scream that into MJ's face so she would leave him alone, but all at the same time he needs her to keep talking to him because when she speaks, he believes her.

"MJ," he finally says, "I don't think she would have been there if she didn't." It's a revelation that he didn't even know he had until that moment. Because Gwen wouldn't have come to help him defeat Electro if she had not loved him. She had known it was going to be dangerous, and she had helped him anyways. "And I," he chokes on the last part, but he has to get it out. "I really loved her too."

The cemetery is quiet again because MJ doesn't answer. Instead she just grabs his hand and holds it in a show of support. He squeezes, once, just like when they were kids. He doesn't have to wonder if she remembers when she squeezes back.


	2. Chapter 2

She is a street away when she hears the sirens and the giant guns.

Of course, there is screaming that accompanies the sounds. A sane person would run the other way, but not Mary Jane Watson. She rushes toward the commotion, fighting the throngs of people running past her and away from whatever was going on. There is a thick crowd gathered around the scene. MJ shoves through them – politely – until she gets close to the front. Then the people seem to crush together tightly and a thin hush settles. She can't see but it doesn't affect her hearing a bit.

The voice that echoes over the people of New York City chills her heart. It doesn't matter how long it has been and how much it has changed. The tone, the attitude: it is exactly the same. Her mind tries to convince her otherwise – it can't seriously be him. But somehow she instinctively knows that it is. Her heart jumps inside her chest and she knows it is pathetic. They haven't spoken since they were kids, he probably doesn't remember her, for all she knows he could have moved…

But it doesn't matter how hard she tries to convince herself otherwise. The masked Spiderman who is comforting a child who escaped the barricade is the same boy she grew up with.

She stays at the scene until the police force everyone away. She stops in a café to think – where would he go? Was he still living with his aunt? Why did he stop being Spiderman for so long?

Then MJ remembers her cousin, accompanied by a pang of guilt that she knows she should have felt much earlier. If she is right, if Spiderman is who she thinks he is, of course that's where he will be. With her cousin. They were in love, after all. It only makes sense. And it doesn't matter how MJ feels about him – how she has always felt about him – because it _hasn't been long enough_.

She hails a cab and takes it to the cemetery. It is only the second time she has gone. Maybe she should have gone more, but her stomach get sickly when she tries. It is irrational, but she feels like the entire situation is her fault. She hadn't even gone to the funeral – but in her defense, she had only just moved back to New York a few months ago.

The sky grows dim during the drive, and when she gets out the wind pricks her skin. After she pays the cab driver (the ride took long enough that it is fairly expensive, but she doesn't mind), she hurries through the metal gates. She hope she isn't wrong as she walks between the grave sites. He has to be here. She hopes he is; hopes she is right.

When she gets close to her cousin's tombstone, she slows to a stop, her flats making her footsteps quiet in the damp grass. A guy sits in front of it with his back to her, legs folded Indian-style. MJ takes a deep breath and hesitates. She could be wrong. It would be embarrassing. But there is only one way to find out.

"Peter?"

He turns around. His chocolate eyes are sad, but they haven't changed much. _Peter Parker_. He searches her face but apparently doesn't recognize her. She smiles at him gently, feeling her disappointment illogically prick her heart. It's silly and she knows it. He turns back to look at Gwen's tombstone. When MJ walks towards him again, he starts to force something into his zip-up hoodie – his mask.

MJ laughs slightly. "You don't have to hide with me, Tiger." She winces at the easy nickname. She hadn't meant to use it. It harkens back to the days when they were eight and had thought it was "cool" to pretend to be animals when they played together. They had been neighbors until she moved with her parents right after his thirteenth birthday. They hadn't communicated since.

His eyes are widened slightly when she stands next to him, but he relaxes, fidgeting with his Spiderman mask. His throat contracts as he clears it before asking, "How did you know?"

MJ smiles. He must recognize her then. She kneels in the grass next to him, ignoring the extra chill that comes with the wet ground. She struggles to think of a good reason that she knows Peter is Spiderman – saying it was basically instinct sounds ridiculous even if it is true. If she tells him it is because she missed him every single day she was gone and would recognize him in any form, she will sound crazy. So instead of either, she explains, "I moved back a few months ago. Peter Parker had basically disappeared, and no one had heard from Spiderman in ages. Both started when she died." MJ offers a nod to Gwen's name on the tombstone regardless of the fact that she knows Peter will know who "she" is.

Peter stiffens next to her. It hits MJ that the reasons she gave don't really make sense. Peter could have moved at any time and that would explain the disappearance, and Spiderman is a _superhero _– he can do what he wants. It sort of makes her seem like a crazy stalker that she knows the dates line up to Spiderman's battle with Electro and Gwen's death. MJ tries to cover it with, "And you were always the heroic type."

"I'm not a hero," Peter mumbles without looking at her. He pauses, then, "I killed her, you know. I thought I could save her, and then–" He stops talking and MJ can only guess at the sorrow he must be feeling.

"Pete," MJ says heavily. She settles her hand on her shoulder and hopes that he won't pull away. He doesn't; he looks up at her for just a minute and she feels saddened by how guilty he looks. It isn't the kind that a little kid gives when they steal a cookie, it is the kind that breaks her heart. "That's not true," she tells him firmly when he looks down at his mask again. "You didn't kill Gwen any more than I did. You know I didn't come to the funeral because I felt guilty?" She doesn't add that her father wouldn't have let her leave the house for that long either. It isn't important. "After my family first moved, Gwen and I emailed every day. Well, the longer I was gone, the less we kept in touch. It was almost a year that I had talked to her last before she died. And I just…" MJ has to take a deep breath before she can continue because she feels tears stinging her eyes. "I thought that maybe if I had just…been there for her, you know?"

MJ stops before she starts crying. She feels like not only a horrible person but also an awful family member. Gwen was only a year older than MJ and she had always looked up to her cousin. For that reason alone she should have tried harder. She has to take her hand away from Peter's shoulder so he doesn't feel her shaking fingers. "So," MJ says. "The last email I had from Gwen…I never responded. I got busy. Excuses." Peter turns to look at her and she smiles gently, though it is painful. "She talked about you. She," and here MJ pauses. As much as it will kill her, she knows that Peter needs to hear what she is about to say. "She really loved you, I think."

Peter sucks in a breath and turns away from her again. He is quieter than she remembers, but he is also mourning. They have gotten older and MJ isn't sure she likes it. She hates that she can't just _tell him_. Tell him the reason she never contacted him after her parents took her away from New York. It would have been easy enough; she knew his aunt and uncle's address since their house was right next to her old one. But she never did because even though she had missed him, it pained her that she couldn't tell him the real reason she hadn't wanted to move.

Peter interrupts her recollections with, "MJ…I don't think she would have been there if she didn't." She knows he mean Gwen and how she helped him in what none of them had known would be her last moments. "And I," he pauses and MJ knows what he is about to say and wishes she is wrong. "I really loved her too," he finishes sadly.

MJ can't answer him because her heart is cracking, slowly. She swallows her feelings – this is _not _about her. She refuses to let him know how much he has unintentionally hurt her. It isn't his fault that she could never _get over it _like her father always told her to. She grabs Peter's hand so he doesn't think she is unsupportive, and it kills her when he squeezes her fingers like when they were little. It takes all of her resolve to return the pressure, but she does it. No matter what, she will always be Peter's friend – even if it means never sharing her secret.


End file.
